Today I am overwhelmed.
Which – to be fair – is not an entirely new feeling for me,
as I stumble through raising a household of 3 dirty, noisy, wrestling, questioning
boys ….
But today is not like that. Today is not the familiar kind
of overwhelmed I have (for better or worse) basically become used to over the
years.
Today is new.
Today my house is silent.
No cupboards or doors opening and
slamming shut. No wrappers crinkling, crumbs falling. No cartoon voices or
crashing Lego bins being emptied. No sounds of bickering, silly made-up games,
or giggling coming down the hallways.
No one saying, “Mommy.”
Because today my house is empty.
Today our youngest joined his 2 older brothers.
He climbed the tall steps up the school bus, flashed us his
beautiful smile, and grew up.
Today Graham started kindergarten.
And today I am overwhelmed with gratitude.
Because I am not an award-winning mother.
I yell too much and lose my patience too quickly. I do not
sit down and play with them as much as I should have. We did not make amazing memories every single
day this summer. And I did not appreciate “all the little things” over the
years – like I’m supposed to – nearly enough.
But despite my profuse failures, I am full of a happy
sadness today.
Because while praying and reflecting this morning… and fighting an
overpowering sense of loss – mixed up with a whole storm of guilt and sadness
and excitement and apprehension (being a parent is fun, huh?) – I asked for Peace.
I asked to somehow find Joy in today.
And just like that, a calmness came over me – as my narrow view
was slowly expanded to the awesome awareness that I have been given the gift of
a lifetime.
Since the moment I became a mother, I have had the privilege
of spending every single day with my children.
Through both the good days and bad, I got to watch every
minute as they grew from infancy into the capable, curious, and clever little
boys they have become.
And although there’s only a handful of really noteworthy, stand-out
days or experiences…. when I pause and add up all the common, seemingly mundane,
little memories over the years…. it makes me catch my breath.
I finally see their value.
And my cup runneth over.
Because I finally realized this morning, that all those daily,
ordinary memories… add up to their Childhood.
And I have been allowed to be here for every single day of
it.
So, while we absolutely moved houses, went on vacations,
camped out, explored parks, celebrated birthdays, and experienced our fair
share of additional monumental moments over the years… we also played baseball
in the backyard. (and Kickball at Mimi's!)
We ate nachos while we watched Jaws on family move night.
We built a teepee in the woods.
We had Nerf wars and caught toads.
We wrestled in a big giant heap of “Love Time” on Mommy and
Daddy’s bed.
And we danced to old songs in the kitchen.
And today as I sit in my quiet, empty house… my head and
heart swirling with all the past memories made… I am overwhelmed with gratitude.
Because over that past eight years that I have been a
mother, I have been given the most
undeserved and amazing gift of my life -
the Gift of Time with my Boys.
♥ ♥ ♥
Holden - 3rd Grade
(This pose was completely all his idea... lol)
Bridger - 1st Grade
Toothless grin!
Clown. Haha. (Think he's maybe a little bit excited?)
And then Holden also asked for one seated on the bench. :)
Both of my big boys on their first day.
And since Kindergarteners didn't start for 2 more days... Mommy and Graham got to have one last special day. Just the 2 of us.
Kindergarten Eve....
We went out to breakfast....
.... and then went exploring at a park.
Caught some worms.
(Because worms/bugs/toads/frogs are Graham's most absolute favorite things in the world.)
Played on some logs.
And then Mommy's little prayer was answered when we FINALLY found a TOAD.
And TOAD-ally (sorry, haha) made Graham's last day when he was allowed to take it home in his little Toad Catcher.
SUPER ready to TAKE ON KINDERGARTEN!!! :)
And then we had a few lazy hours left - just the 2 of us - so we caught some crickets (for the toad), found some shapes in the clouds, made funny faces, and read a pile of books while eating chocolate and snuggling on Mommy's bed.
And then that was it.
With wiggles and jitters and excited prayers, everyone was tucked in on the last night before Kindergarten.
. . . . . . . .
Absolutely, 100% READY.
(It was chilly outside this morning, lol)
And a silly one :)
Watching the Big Brothers.
And then with this weird "cool guy" pose.... who TEACHES my kids this posing stuff?
ALL of my handsome BIG BOYS together ♥ ♥ ♥
One with Daddy
One with Mommy
And then I smiled and DID NOT cry.... while I stayed behind.
And watched my three babies.
Watched Graham join his big brothers and do just what he's seen them do 100 times... like this was nothing new..... like it was absolutely no big deal.
.... Like he's been ready for this day forever.
Like he absolutely can't wait to make some brand new memories.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
