Since he was very young, Graham has been having issues with his eyes. We began noticing when he was especially tired or really relaxed (we'd regularly notice it while he was drinking his milk) or when he looked up from something across the room toward us... one of his eyes would not really be looking back at us, but would look more like it had sort of... drifted out.
As we would walk over to him, we could watch it physically move, as he brought it back into focus. But there was no question that something was... wrong.
So, shortly before he was a year old, we began with the doctor appointments.
After several visits and referrals, we finally ended up at Akron Children's with a Pediatric Ophthalmologist. And she has been wonderful.
We found out that Graham actually has an eye muscle condition known as Exotropia.
And after watching and patching and waiting... it was still there. And not getting better.
A few months ago, it was just Graham and I at home one Saturday morning. He was sitting in the living room watching me in the kitchen when I heard him casually say, "I see 2 Mommies right now."
Cue my stomach sinking and my heart aching. There was something very very not right with our baby's eyes.
And 2 days ago, when he was tired, he actually came up to me rubbing his eyes and said, "Mommy.. my eye." And when he moved his hand, one eye looked right back at me.. while the other was completely pointed up and out. It was without a doubt the most dramatic I've ever seen it before.
It was time.
So yesterday morning, in the wee hours before dawn, we piled in the car and drove up to Akron Children's Hospital for eye surgery for Graham.
And I'm pretty certain it's been my least favorite day so far of being a parent.
Happy, silly boy cheesing for me on the ride up
Watching some PBS.. waiting to talk to/meet all the nurses and doctors.
I can't even explain how much I didn't want to be there...
But there's no doubt in my mind that any parent can imagine.
But Jared was so calm and great. And he even made us laugh
a little bit when he pulled Graham up on his lap and his silly
hospital pajama pants slipped right off!
Goof
Oh. My heart.
And after some tears (his and mine)..... lots of worrying (if he would ever trust the nurse enough to go back without us, like he was supposed to)... and so much praying....
He finally got off our laps. And began to talk and interact with the Nurse lady.
He trusted her.
And he liked going for rides in her car :)
Here he was playing in the car - finally comfortable with the nurse - and showing us his chapstick.
... just minutes before they took him back.
And then comes everything else I'd like to forget.
And I literally pray that he does.
But we are beyond blessed.
He was in great hands and everything went smooth. Within an hour, his doctor was finished and back out to tell us how well it went and give us some recovery instructions.
And then we finally got to go back and get our scared, hurt, confused little boy.
And that was when I really lost it.
Sitting there, holding him while he was squirming and screaming and hooked up to a bunch of different things, and they're giving him more Morphine, and he doesn't understand, and I feel like I must have completely shattered his trust because he can't possibly know why we're letting all these people do this to him... and there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING I can do to make any of it better...
Then.
That minute.
That was when I had to turn my head away from the nurse... and break down.
But it was ok. We rocked and cried and made it through. It was only a few awful minutes, and then they let him take off the heart monitor on his finger (which, for whatever reason, was the one thing he was really upset over), and he calmed down. We moved into a dark, quiet recovery area then... and just held him.
Rocked.
Rested.
And held him.
We shared ♥
And it was finally all over.
Home.♥
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